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This entry will probably be disconnected word-vomit. I have things to say but they're all competing.
Also, I'm going to talk about bad car crashes in this entry, so if that triggers you, I won't be offended if you scroll.
My father totalled his car yesterday. He's fine (he says he's sore, he didn't go to the hospital but he says he feels alright, so whatev) but his poor little car is smushed.
My online friends probably don't know this, but, adorably, my parents both have the same car. They're not really matchy cute people, but somehow they ended up with the same car. His had a spoiler and slightly larger wheels but they're the same color. In November, a few days before my birthday, my mother was hit while driving her car (she was also fine, and it was the other lady's fault unquestionably). Her car made it out alive (she claims it's not the same, but it feels the same to me).
I'm sad to see Daddy's car go. So is he. They're good cars. They got my parents out of their car crashes alive and mostly unharmed (Mama sees a chiropracter, one of the good ones I mean, not a scammy one, but she's almost done with that now.) Daddy says his wasn't his fault, and the body shop guy said the other guy had to have been speeding. I saw the pictures. I agree with Bodyshop Guy. How the hell did he get out of that car without ANY injuries? He has a heart condition! I'm not usually superstitious but it was my uncle's birthday. My dead uncle (my mother's brother), who died in a horrific car crash in 2003. I'm just saying, you guys. I'm just saying. (I also woke up like right around when it happened, somehow. And before my mother's crash I said to her she shouldn't leave the house- I just had a feeling. She should have listened since I'm usually right and she has the same ~feelings, but she didn't. We're totes psychic you guys.)
Why am I tearing up right now? I don't know. Usually I can understand my emotions even when they aren't logical, but I don't know exactly why I've been all teary since yesterday. It's just one of those things, I guess. Involuntary reaction to my father's car being totalled (I'm one of Those People who gets irrationally attached to objects, especially large machinery like computers and cars, so the car dying is hitting me hard, and in a related story I direct you to this entry where I discuss my childhood car and how much I still miss it) and my father being alive and not dead, and it being my uncle's birthday, and the fact that I've been feeling weird for the past few weeks is probably all spilling together.
Speaking of my dead uncle, I always think about my dead family members and how much I wish I had gotten to talk to them as an adult. Not that I have anything specific to say, just that I wish I knew them the way my parents knew them. I wish I knew my paternal grandmother (who died when I was 9) as more than a sickly old lady. I wish I remembered my paternal grandfather the way he was when I was little, not the way he was when I was 15 and he had dementia. I wish I could talk to my uncle, because we have stuff in common now (like baseball). I don't know where I'm going with this.
My father has another car (why do two adults need three cars? I mean, I can't drive, so idek) but he'd rather not drive it, it's a Cadillac and the maintenence/gas is expensive. He might trade it in for a new more sensible car, or just buy another car (again, why two cars? idek. We have two houses, the second one inherited from the dead grandparents, so there's room, but still.)
My other uncle just left. He wasn't even staying in my house, but he's just one of those exhausting people (he and his brother were like complete opposites, it's funny.) Now that he's gone and I've written this big cathartic entry maybe I can get back to writing and feeling normal. Timsey soon! Maybe! I hope!
Also new Kylie CD soon. I'm dying, you guys. DYING. And new Futurama started today! AND IT WAS SO GOOD. Like they'd never been cancelled. I was expecting it to be different but it feels exactly the same. It's just everything I hoped for. I'm relieved and excited and so happy. If the Rays would start winning again (and they won today!) this summer will be a good one. Fingers crossed, loves.
-11:55 PM
Also, I'm going to talk about bad car crashes in this entry, so if that triggers you, I won't be offended if you scroll.
My father totalled his car yesterday. He's fine (he says he's sore, he didn't go to the hospital but he says he feels alright, so whatev) but his poor little car is smushed.
My online friends probably don't know this, but, adorably, my parents both have the same car. They're not really matchy cute people, but somehow they ended up with the same car. His had a spoiler and slightly larger wheels but they're the same color. In November, a few days before my birthday, my mother was hit while driving her car (she was also fine, and it was the other lady's fault unquestionably). Her car made it out alive (she claims it's not the same, but it feels the same to me).
I'm sad to see Daddy's car go. So is he. They're good cars. They got my parents out of their car crashes alive and mostly unharmed (Mama sees a chiropracter, one of the good ones I mean, not a scammy one, but she's almost done with that now.) Daddy says his wasn't his fault, and the body shop guy said the other guy had to have been speeding. I saw the pictures. I agree with Bodyshop Guy. How the hell did he get out of that car without ANY injuries? He has a heart condition! I'm not usually superstitious but it was my uncle's birthday. My dead uncle (my mother's brother), who died in a horrific car crash in 2003. I'm just saying, you guys. I'm just saying. (I also woke up like right around when it happened, somehow. And before my mother's crash I said to her she shouldn't leave the house- I just had a feeling. She should have listened since I'm usually right and she has the same ~feelings, but she didn't. We're totes psychic you guys.)
Why am I tearing up right now? I don't know. Usually I can understand my emotions even when they aren't logical, but I don't know exactly why I've been all teary since yesterday. It's just one of those things, I guess. Involuntary reaction to my father's car being totalled (I'm one of Those People who gets irrationally attached to objects, especially large machinery like computers and cars, so the car dying is hitting me hard, and in a related story I direct you to this entry where I discuss my childhood car and how much I still miss it) and my father being alive and not dead, and it being my uncle's birthday, and the fact that I've been feeling weird for the past few weeks is probably all spilling together.
Speaking of my dead uncle, I always think about my dead family members and how much I wish I had gotten to talk to them as an adult. Not that I have anything specific to say, just that I wish I knew them the way my parents knew them. I wish I knew my paternal grandmother (who died when I was 9) as more than a sickly old lady. I wish I remembered my paternal grandfather the way he was when I was little, not the way he was when I was 15 and he had dementia. I wish I could talk to my uncle, because we have stuff in common now (like baseball). I don't know where I'm going with this.
My father has another car (why do two adults need three cars? I mean, I can't drive, so idek) but he'd rather not drive it, it's a Cadillac and the maintenence/gas is expensive. He might trade it in for a new more sensible car, or just buy another car (again, why two cars? idek. We have two houses, the second one inherited from the dead grandparents, so there's room, but still.)
My other uncle just left. He wasn't even staying in my house, but he's just one of those exhausting people (he and his brother were like complete opposites, it's funny.) Now that he's gone and I've written this big cathartic entry maybe I can get back to writing and feeling normal. Timsey soon! Maybe! I hope!
Also new Kylie CD soon. I'm dying, you guys. DYING. And new Futurama started today! AND IT WAS SO GOOD. Like they'd never been cancelled. I was expecting it to be different but it feels exactly the same. It's just everything I hoped for. I'm relieved and excited and so happy. If the Rays would start winning again (and they won today!) this summer will be a good one. Fingers crossed, loves.
-11:55 PM
So my sims game has highlighted another social issue for me. See, the game relies on thousands of files on your harddrive to run properly. Some of these are character files for each sim. Smart gamers try to keep the numbers of these files low so the game will load faster. This can include deleting useless townie characters and npcs. So for me the easiest way to keep the number down, because I'm not that well-versed in sims editing programs, is to keep track of the number of characters *I* created. So I tried to create a family tree, so I could see all the sims of different ages and how they were related so when it was time for teens to get boyfriends or girlfriends, instead of making someone new I could find someone not related and get them together.
The quest for a program or website has proved more difficult than I thought. See, loads exist. Lots of free programs and at least one free website. They're all very traditional. Each family begins with a mother and a father. They automatically assume the gender. There is no place for step-parents, as second-marriages are not displayed.
I guess this is okay for historial family trees, where you could assume a family would have a male head and a female head. But what about modern families? With different configurations? With gay parents or super-involved step-parents?
I play my game with a lot of same-sex couples, and I have one house that has three people living together, all flagged as married to each other (I like cheats, mmk). My same-sex couples often have biological babies (again, yay cheats! The game's original code is easy to manipulate). Family tree makers just CANNOT comprehend a family with two male parents, or three parents, or whatever. You know, despite how many families exist nowadays like this.
It's frustrating to me and the family I'm charting (my entire gigantic neighborhood, actually, but all the families are intertwined) doesn't actually even exist. Imagine if my real family was like this how upset I would be.
I'm going to have to do it by hand, I guess. Sigh. (And that's not even mentioning how married same-sex couples are not married, but rather classified as having had a "joined union". Argh. There's a hack that will change this, but come on.)
-1:20 AM
The quest for a program or website has proved more difficult than I thought. See, loads exist. Lots of free programs and at least one free website. They're all very traditional. Each family begins with a mother and a father. They automatically assume the gender. There is no place for step-parents, as second-marriages are not displayed.
I guess this is okay for historial family trees, where you could assume a family would have a male head and a female head. But what about modern families? With different configurations? With gay parents or super-involved step-parents?
I play my game with a lot of same-sex couples, and I have one house that has three people living together, all flagged as married to each other (I like cheats, mmk). My same-sex couples often have biological babies (again, yay cheats! The game's original code is easy to manipulate). Family tree makers just CANNOT comprehend a family with two male parents, or three parents, or whatever. You know, despite how many families exist nowadays like this.
It's frustrating to me and the family I'm charting (my entire gigantic neighborhood, actually, but all the families are intertwined) doesn't actually even exist. Imagine if my real family was like this how upset I would be.
I'm going to have to do it by hand, I guess. Sigh. (And that's not even mentioning how married same-sex couples are not married, but rather classified as having had a "joined union". Argh. There's a hack that will change this, but come on.)
-1:20 AM
So I'm making my own custom content for the sims 2, having found a version of body shop that will run on my computer (sadly it's the pre-release version that only has a few options... sigh) and I was just searching google, as I do because it is hard-wired into my child of the new millenium brain (wait, I'm 22, do I count? idk) to always google first before asking anyone else, and I typed "applying" because I want to apply textures to things. So I type that...
and the first thing google suggests is "applying for foodstamps".
It's depressing on a snarky level because who doesn't know where to go for foodstamps? I mean, duh.
But it's also depressing on a "THIS IS THE VERY FIRST THING GOOGLE SUGGESTS OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS POOR" level. As someone who has been on foodstamps before, when I was a kid and during a rough patch in high school, I can tell you that being on public assistance is neither easy nor fun. It is not an easy meal ticket. It does not buy you enough decent food, or decent clothes, or decent anything. Unemployment does not give you enough money to live at middle-class level no matter how many coupons you clip. I know a lot of people see the people on welfare as lazy slackers. Some are. Definitely, some are. Some people are content to live in cramped apartments eating cheap crappy food, sabotaging interviews so they don't have to work. But a lot of people who are on assistance? Are people you wouldn't expect. People who still dress nice. People who are still trying to work. People who try really, really hard to maintain a standard of living for themselves and their families. It's a terrible stereotype, that of the welfare kings and queens cheating the system. But I'm reminded of how very many people are having to bite the bullet and ask for help, these days. My family is not the kind of family that wants handouts. We're people who like to do things for ourselves or not at all. And so many families like mine are having to admit they can't do it on their own, and that must hurt so much. It must be so horrible to lose a decent job, no fault of your own, and have to tell your kids "No, honey, we have to get the cheaper brand, we can't afford that one anymore". My boyfriend lost his amazing job last week. It's a family business. And he's not family. And they're losing money due to the economy. You see where this is headed.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just... frustrated. I'm frustrated that so many people think decent, hard-working Americans don't deserve help. I'm frustrated they need it in the first place. And I'm frustrated that this is happening on such a widespread level that even google is convinced that I most likely want to know how to apply for foodstamps.
-4:11 AM
and the first thing google suggests is "applying for foodstamps".
It's depressing on a snarky level because who doesn't know where to go for foodstamps? I mean, duh.
But it's also depressing on a "THIS IS THE VERY FIRST THING GOOGLE SUGGESTS OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS POOR" level. As someone who has been on foodstamps before, when I was a kid and during a rough patch in high school, I can tell you that being on public assistance is neither easy nor fun. It is not an easy meal ticket. It does not buy you enough decent food, or decent clothes, or decent anything. Unemployment does not give you enough money to live at middle-class level no matter how many coupons you clip. I know a lot of people see the people on welfare as lazy slackers. Some are. Definitely, some are. Some people are content to live in cramped apartments eating cheap crappy food, sabotaging interviews so they don't have to work. But a lot of people who are on assistance? Are people you wouldn't expect. People who still dress nice. People who are still trying to work. People who try really, really hard to maintain a standard of living for themselves and their families. It's a terrible stereotype, that of the welfare kings and queens cheating the system. But I'm reminded of how very many people are having to bite the bullet and ask for help, these days. My family is not the kind of family that wants handouts. We're people who like to do things for ourselves or not at all. And so many families like mine are having to admit they can't do it on their own, and that must hurt so much. It must be so horrible to lose a decent job, no fault of your own, and have to tell your kids "No, honey, we have to get the cheaper brand, we can't afford that one anymore". My boyfriend lost his amazing job last week. It's a family business. And he's not family. And they're losing money due to the economy. You see where this is headed.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just... frustrated. I'm frustrated that so many people think decent, hard-working Americans don't deserve help. I'm frustrated they need it in the first place. And I'm frustrated that this is happening on such a widespread level that even google is convinced that I most likely want to know how to apply for foodstamps.
-4:11 AM
Writer's Block: News development
Mar. 21st, 2010 04:00 am[Error: unknown template qotd]
I think I vaguely remember Clinton's first election, I *think* that was the time when I asked my parents "Are we republicans or democrats?" and my father said "you can be whatever you want to be" and I said "I'm a democrat".
But I definitely do remember the kidnapping case of a girl named Jennifer Odom, which was the first time I remember ever hearing about people being kidnapped. At the time I found it so startling and weird (and it still is startling and weird, except for a different reason these days, obviously). It was 1993 and happened in my county, and some suspect had a blue truck that he painted a different shade of blue, and a neighbor on my street had also done the same thing recently (and I do remember that truck) and was worried people would suspect him (it wasn't him, of course).
When I got to physics class in 10th grade I had an anicent, ancient textbook with the name Jennifer Odom in it. It can't be the same girl because she was 12 when she died, but I was pretty freaked out by that.
http://www.sptimes.com/2003/02/16/Pasco/_Nothing_will_ever_be.shtml
Kind of about to cry now.
So, yeah. To answer that question, in February 1993 I was... 5ish? 4? I suck at math. But that definitely changed everything, because that's when I became really conscious of my parents and grandparents not letting me out of their sight. I mean, they had always been like that, I'd just never noticed it. And a lot of the kids shows from the 80s/early 90s were kind of weirdly obsessed with kidnappings, so I also started noticing the cartoons and things that warned kids never to leave their parents ever. It was really hard to realize that there are people in the world who would want to take you away from your family. That's a really heavy thing for a kid to have to think about.
-3:58 AM
I think I vaguely remember Clinton's first election, I *think* that was the time when I asked my parents "Are we republicans or democrats?" and my father said "you can be whatever you want to be" and I said "I'm a democrat".
But I definitely do remember the kidnapping case of a girl named Jennifer Odom, which was the first time I remember ever hearing about people being kidnapped. At the time I found it so startling and weird (and it still is startling and weird, except for a different reason these days, obviously). It was 1993 and happened in my county, and some suspect had a blue truck that he painted a different shade of blue, and a neighbor on my street had also done the same thing recently (and I do remember that truck) and was worried people would suspect him (it wasn't him, of course).
When I got to physics class in 10th grade I had an anicent, ancient textbook with the name Jennifer Odom in it. It can't be the same girl because she was 12 when she died, but I was pretty freaked out by that.
http://www.sptimes.com/2003/02/16/Pasco/_Nothing_will_ever_be.shtml
Kind of about to cry now.
So, yeah. To answer that question, in February 1993 I was... 5ish? 4? I suck at math. But that definitely changed everything, because that's when I became really conscious of my parents and grandparents not letting me out of their sight. I mean, they had always been like that, I'd just never noticed it. And a lot of the kids shows from the 80s/early 90s were kind of weirdly obsessed with kidnappings, so I also started noticing the cartoons and things that warned kids never to leave their parents ever. It was really hard to realize that there are people in the world who would want to take you away from your family. That's a really heavy thing for a kid to have to think about.
-3:58 AM
I need a slushie.
Also, glasses are broken. Need new frames (most likely). Going to Wal*Mart today to see what they can do; if they don't have THESE frames, I'll probably die, because I'm so picky. Can you blame me? These things are pasted to my face, like, 19 of the 24 hours in a day. They HAVE to not be ugly.
Of course, they'll have to take them away from me, which means I'll either be wearing my very old old glasses that are bent and silver and not pretty sleek black, but they're wire frames like these and have the half-frame thing going on around the lens so the only adjustment will be my blindness. It's either that or be blind as a bat for a week or more, depending. Wal*Mart actually has great eye care, believe it or not. The doctor I saw last time was a total sweetheart and super professional, and the other people (what do you call them? technicians?) are always super helpful when I break or bend or whatever them, and it's almost always no charge to have them adjusted, except when you need new nosepads, those are $2.01. Why the penny tho?
Sooooo I'll be blind for awhile. It's not like I have many places to go, anyway.
Maybe I'll get a slushie for my troubles. (They're currently held together with tape. TAPE. because BOTH arms are broken ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I DESERVE A SLUSHIE FOR MY SHAME.)
-ivybslushflower (ivybglassflower?) @ 10:49 AM
Also, glasses are broken. Need new frames (most likely). Going to Wal*Mart today to see what they can do; if they don't have THESE frames, I'll probably die, because I'm so picky. Can you blame me? These things are pasted to my face, like, 19 of the 24 hours in a day. They HAVE to not be ugly.
Of course, they'll have to take them away from me, which means I'll either be wearing my very old old glasses that are bent and silver and not pretty sleek black, but they're wire frames like these and have the half-frame thing going on around the lens so the only adjustment will be my blindness. It's either that or be blind as a bat for a week or more, depending. Wal*Mart actually has great eye care, believe it or not. The doctor I saw last time was a total sweetheart and super professional, and the other people (what do you call them? technicians?) are always super helpful when I break or bend or whatever them, and it's almost always no charge to have them adjusted, except when you need new nosepads, those are $2.01. Why the penny tho?
Sooooo I'll be blind for awhile. It's not like I have many places to go, anyway.
Maybe I'll get a slushie for my troubles. (They're currently held together with tape. TAPE. because BOTH arms are broken ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I DESERVE A SLUSHIE FOR MY SHAME.)
-ivybslushflower (ivybglassflower?) @ 10:49 AM
Tags:
RIP George :(
58 is too young to die, especially when you're cool and can better the world just by existing.
...that's not a great memorial, really, but I don't think he would have gone for anything sappier, so.
-10:36 PM
P.S. WHERE DID 8 YEARS GO?? (he died 8 years ago today.)
P.P.S. Megan Joy from AI season 8 released a song today and it is SO GOOD and so much better than she was on the show. OMG.
58 is too young to die, especially when you're cool and can better the world just by existing.
...that's not a great memorial, really, but I don't think he would have gone for anything sappier, so.
-10:36 PM
P.S. WHERE DID 8 YEARS GO?? (he died 8 years ago today.)
P.P.S. Megan Joy from AI season 8 released a song today and it is SO GOOD and so much better than she was on the show. OMG.
Well, just bit into a cream puff that has apparently expired.
It was a sour cream puff. Oh, the awful punmanity.
I only tasted the slightest bit of sour before my amazing self preservation reflex kicked in and stopped me from breathing until I could spit it out and brush my teeth, so no throwing up here (I haven't since February of 2004, and I am damn proud of that).
My quest for dessert continues. Woe.
-3:40 AM
It was a sour cream puff. Oh, the awful punmanity.
I only tasted the slightest bit of sour before my amazing self preservation reflex kicked in and stopped me from breathing until I could spit it out and brush my teeth, so no throwing up here (I haven't since February of 2004, and I am damn proud of that).
My quest for dessert continues. Woe.
-3:40 AM
The Emmy's just did the anual deathmarch of death. I sobbed. They used that Sarah Mchsjahdja song (not the angels one, the I will remember you one) and she actually sang it on stage.
Earlier this evening I had to leave the room when Kristen Chenowith won and started to cry. Since when have I been THIS emotional??
-10:33 PM
Earlier this evening I had to leave the room when Kristen Chenowith won and started to cry. Since when have I been THIS emotional??
-10:33 PM
The Rays lost horribly tonight, 10-1. Had I been watching it at home I would have changed the channel. I'm glad I got to see my heroes play live, and my binoculars were pretty awesome, but I'm sorry the stupid game sucked so badly. It was truly awful.
In other news, my father bought my mother a little GPS thingie yesterday and I've been playing with it ever since. It is the single most awesome piece of technology I've ever played with. It's my new toy. It's supposed to be my mother's, but she hasn't really had time to figure it out yet. It has a touch screen and is super smart and everything. I <3 it. We named it Maggie, because the brand is Magellan but it talks with a woman's voice. It has all kinds of information about any place in the whole US and like Mexico and crap that you'd want to go. So awesome.
I'm not even going to talk about how depressed I am about the stupid game. Maybe they'll win tomorrow. :(
-2:26 AM
In other news, my father bought my mother a little GPS thingie yesterday and I've been playing with it ever since. It is the single most awesome piece of technology I've ever played with. It's my new toy. It's supposed to be my mother's, but she hasn't really had time to figure it out yet. It has a touch screen and is super smart and everything. I <3 it. We named it Maggie, because the brand is Magellan but it talks with a woman's voice. It has all kinds of information about any place in the whole US and like Mexico and crap that you'd want to go. So awesome.
I'm not even going to talk about how depressed I am about the stupid game. Maybe they'll win tomorrow. :(
-2:26 AM
Daylight Savings
Mar. 9th, 2009 02:59 amSo will I get to see more sun now? YAY. I've been getting all S.A.D.-y lately and I can't WAIT for more sun so I can start writing a lot again.
ALSO LOOK it's the OTHER Minogue in my music today! Zomgz change!
-3:02 AM
ALSO LOOK it's the OTHER Minogue in my music today! Zomgz change!
-3:02 AM
